nonviolent communication and mindfulness trainings
for prisoners, returnees to the community, and their families
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What is Nonviolent Communication?Founded by international peacemaker, mediator and author Marshall B. Rosenberg, Nonviolent Communication (NVC) provides a roadmap for thinking, speaking and hearing words in a way that leads us home to our humanity. It anchors us in internal freedom, allowing us to speak and act from our core values rather than reacting to external stimuli. The founding of Freedom Project was inspired by the response of prisoners to Marshall’s offering and modeling of NVC. (NVC trainings are available worldwide. See the International Center for Nonviolent Communication website at www.cnvc.org.) The purpose of NVC is to strengthen our ability to inspire compassion in others and respond compassionately to others and to ourselves. NVC helps us reframe how we express ourselves and hear others by focusing our consciousness on what we are observing, feeling, needing and requesting. We learn to make careful observations free of evaluation, and to specify behaviors and conditions that are affecting us. We learn to hear our own deeper needs and those of others, and to identify and clearly articulate what we are wanting in a given moment. When we focus on clarifying observations, feelings and needs, rather than on diagnosing and judging, we discover the depth of our own compassion. Through emphasis on deep listening — to ourselves as well as others — NVC fosters respect, attentiveness and empathy, and engenders a mutual desire to give from the heart. The form is simple, yet powerfully transformative. While it is taught through the use of a concrete model and is referred to as “a process of communication” or a “language of compassion,” Nonviolent Communication is more than a process or a language. Our cultural conditioning often leads us in directions unlikely to help us get what we want; NVC serves as an ongoing reminder to focus our attention in ways that can help us find what we are seeking—a flow between ourselves and others based on a mutual giving from the heart. Founded on language and communication skills that enable us to retain our humanity, even under trying conditions, Nonviolent Communication contains nothing new: the basics underlying NVC have been known for centuries. The intent is to remind us of what we already know about how we humans were meant to relate to one another and to help us live in a way that concretely manifests this knowledge. The use of NVC does not require that the persons with whom we are communicating be literate in NVC or even motivated to relate to us compassionately. If we stay with the principles of NVC, with the sole intention to give and receive compassionately, and do everything we can to let others know this is our only motive, they will join us in the process and eventually we will be able to respond compassionately to one another. While this may not happen quickly, it is our experience that compassion inevitably blossoms when we stay true to the principles and process of Nonviolent Communication.
What is Mindfulness?Whether it is called contemplation, meditation, prayer with attention or “listening to the still, inner voice,” every spiritual tradition points to some form of awareness and centering practice to nourish a peaceful, conscious life. When we know how to be still and pause with attention, we are able to touch what is alive in ourselves and then speak and listen in NVC’s heart-centered way. Freedom Project trainings emphasize mindfulness in conjunction with NVC as a way of cultivating a quality of presence that allows us to free ourselves from our learned habits and mental prisons. Mindfulness is an ancient Buddhist practice which has profound relevance for our present day lives. This relevance has nothing to do with Buddhism per se or with becoming a Buddhist, but it has everything to do with waking up and living in harmony with oneself and with the world. It has to do with examining who we are, with questioning our view of the world and our place in it, and with cultivating some appreciation for the fullness of each moment we are alive. Most of all, it has to do with being in touch. From the Buddhist perspective, our ordinary waking state of consciousness is seen as being severely limited and limiting, resembling in many respects an extended dream rather than wakefulness. Meditation helps us wake up from this sleep of automaticity and unconsciousness, thereby making it possible for us to live our lives with access to the full spectrum of our conscious and unconscious possibilities. Sages, yogis, and Zen masters have been exploring this territory systematically for thousands of years; in the process they have learned something which may now be profoundly beneficial in the West to counterbalance our cultural orientation toward controlling and subduing nature rather than honoring that we are an intimate part of it. Their collective experience suggests that by investigating inwardly our own nature as beings and, particularly, the nature of our own minds through careful and systematic self-observation, we may be able to live lives of greater satisfaction, harmony, and wisdom. It also offers a view of the world which is complementary to the predominantly reductionist and materialistic one currently dominating Western thought and institutions. But this view is neither particularly "Eastern" nor mystical. Thoreau saw the same problem with our ordinary mind state in New England in 1846 and wrote with great passion about its unfortunate consequences. Mindfulness has been called the heart of Buddhist meditation. Fundamentally, mindfulness is a simple concept. Its power lies in its practice and its applications. Mindfulness means paying attention in a particular way: on purpose, in the present moment, and non-judgmentally. This kind of attention nurtures greater awareness, clarity, and acceptance of present-moment reality. It wakes us up to the fact that our lives unfold only in moments. If we are not fully present for many of those moments, we may not only miss what is most valuable in our lives but also fail to realize the richness and the depth of our possibilities for growth, and transformation. A diminished awareness of the present moment inevitably creates other problems for us as well through our unconscious and automatic actions and behaviors, often drive by deep-seated fears and insecurities. These problems tend to build over time if they are not attended to and can eventually leave us feeling stuck and out of touch. Over time, we may lose confidence in our ability to redirect our energies in ways that would lead to greater satisfaction and happiness, perhaps even to greater health. Mindfulness provides a simple but powerful route for getting ourselves unstuck, back into touch with our own wisdom and vitality. It is a way to take charge of the direction and quality of our own lives, including our relationships within the family, our relationship to work and to the larger world and planet, and most fundamentally, our relationship with our self as a person. The habit of ignoring our present moments in favor of others yet to come leads directly to a pervasive lack of awareness of the web of life in which we are embedded. This includes a lack of awareness and understanding of our own mind and how it influences our perceptions and our actions. It severely limits our perspective on what it means to be a person and how we are connected to each other and to the world around us. Religion has traditionally been the domain of such fundamental inquiries within a spiritual framework, but mindfulness has little to do with religion, except in the most fundamental meaning of the word, as an attempt to appreciate the deep mystery of being alive and to acknowledge being vitally connected to all that exists. When we commit ourselves to paying attention in an open way, without failing prey to our own likes and dislikes, opinions and prejudices, projections and- expectations, new possibilities open up and we have a chance to free ourselves from the straitjacket of unconsciousness. I like to think of mindfulness simply as the art of conscious living. You don't have to be a Buddhist or a yogi to practice it. In fact, if you know anything about Buddhism, you will know that the most important point is to be yourself and not try to become anything that you are not already. Buddhism is fundamentally about being in touch with your own deepest nature and letting it flow out of you unimpeded. It has to do with waking up and seeing things as they are. In fact, the word "Buddha" simply means one who has awakened to his or her own true nature. Therefore, mindfulness will not conflict with any beliefs or traditions -- religious or for that matter scientific- nor is it trying to sell you anything, especially not a new belief system or ideology. It is simply a practical way to be more in touch with the fullness of your being through a systematic process of self-observation, self-inquiry, and mindful action. There is nothing cold, analytical, or unfeeling about it. The overall tenor of mindfulness is gentle, appreciative, and nurturing. Another way to think of it would be "heartfulness."
How big is your program and how many people do you serve? In 2008, Freedom Project provided 8,144 hours of training to 328 prisoners inside men’s and women’s prisons. We offered these trainings to more than 160 prisoners and a number of prisoners outside partners. In the community Freedom Project offers mentoring and community circles to support the transition and integration of several returnees back into our community. We also offer regular monthly trainings open to both returnees and other community residents and undertake occasional workshops and presentations for the community. How big is your budget and how will my donation be used? Our budget for 2009 is $303,800 (including $100,000 in in-kind donated professional services), three-fourths of which is dedicated to the human resources in support of our programs and services, including prison trainings, returnee support and public education. We currently have two full-time and three part-time staff members and about two dozen ongoing volunteers. In the coming year we hope to secure additional funding to develop the new Safe Returns program for supporting returnees, to meet the demand for prison training, which currently exceeds our capacity, and to create trainings for cultivating a new generation of returnee leaders. How is your program different from the many others that are offered inside prison? While many religious programs are available inside prison, our trainings offer inmates of all philosophical and spiritual persuasions a deep experience of connection to fellow human beings and a re-awakening to their own place in the web of life. Equally important, participants learn concrete tools that can be applied and continuously cultivated to enhance communication, connection and awareness in all their relationships - including the important one they have with themselves. Our 14-21 hour trainings, led by a team balancing returnees and NEBIs (No Experience Being Incarcerated), provide the nuts and bolts of how to gear one’s life towards freedom and wholeness. We are not aware of any other program offering this combination of qualities. How can we get rid of sex offenders so that our communities can be safe? We do it by focusing our efforts on eliminating sex offenses rather than sex offenders. Our current “us and them” mentality leaves us susceptible to the dangerous belief that “they,” sex offenders, constitute the “problem” and if only “they” can be removed from “us,” then our community will be safe. Even if today we were to take all convicted sex-offenders and make them vanish from society (by ejecting them into outer space? by mass execution?), tomorrow morning’s newspaper will bring us more. Be it a favorite teacher, a respected pastor or a devoted parent, sex offenders are us. Do we care enough to ensure that today’s cute toddler with the toothless grin will not become tomorrow’s sex criminal? To prevent the next offense from occurring, we need to devote our communal resources to education, support, services and the creation of a new public attitude. More often than not, released sex offenders experience ostracism and rejection when they return to their community. Most human beings, when struggling with shame, anger, stress and isolation, are much more likely to fall back on damaging habitual behaviors to meet their perceived needs than people not facing those struggles. If we are earnestly committed to community safety, we must be willing to do the hard work of creating the understanding and conditions that eliminate offending sexual behaviors among us. Getting rid of sex offenses will rid us of sex-offenders, but not the other way around. Do you really think that sex offenders can be cured? There is a distinction between curing and healing. We see “curing” as restoration to a former pristine condition, entailing complete elimination of whatever habit energies or impulses a person may have developed. It’s not our impression that human growth actually happens like that. Healing and growth are not finished products, but processes that depend upon on-going work and practice. Our observation and experience convince us that people who have committed sexual offenses can and do heal. It is possible to be aware of desires and impulses, to recognize deeper underlying needs for love and connection, to choose to behave in integrity with our values, and to consciously replace old habits with new strategies to fulfill one’s needs. We believe that the integration of Nonviolent Communication and mindfulness practices into one’s daily life strongly supports healing and provides powerful protection against re-offending. As someone who wants to create a safe and peaceful world, aren’t I better off supporting schools and peace education for children rather than similar programs in prisons where people have already committed crimes? We are strong advocates for education that gives children the skills to live in peace with themselves and with each other. We also know that the average prisoner is about thirty years old, and that 95% of all prisoners eventually return to the community to influence – for better or for worse – the next generation. When participants in our prison workshop are asked “What do you really value in life?” the unhesitating response we hear over and over again is: “My children.” When we ask “Why do you come here to learn Nonviolent Communication?” we are struck by the number of participants who say they want to give their children the quality of parenting and childhood that they themselves would have liked. We believe that prisoners transformed into peacemakers can serve as powerful models for our community, particularly for the young as they step forward to make choices that will shape their own future and that of our society. I don’t have a lot of money. What can I do to contribute? It is only through the collective dedication of people like yourself that nonprofits like the Freedom Project can accomplish our mission. Even if you do not have significant resources, your support is highly valued. Perhaps you might consider a small weekly or monthly pledge, or donations at timed intervals in a manner that is financially feasible. If you would like, we would be happy to support you through follow-up contact.
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