“This is the best communication seminar I have ever seen or taken part in. From the perspective of a federal prisoner, I would like to see NVC taught in every prison across the world. NVC is communication that stresses “Connect first.” As a lifer, I feel privileged and honored to have been a part of an NVC training; it has been a new kick start for me!”
DWIGHT PICHETTE
William Head Institution, Victoria, B.C., Canada
“Thank you for another wonderful learning experience. The tears shared at the closing of every NVC event never fail to impress me. It’s open, accepted, honesty in its purest form--something almost unheard of in a prison environment. Yet, even those shared tears are not the best possible barometer of the actual impact you have on the lives of the men in here. In fact, you don’t get to see the true impact of your work first hand. I see it and hear it daily on the prison yard. Men who have never before felt comfortable walking up and speaking to me, approach me openly after spending just a few hours in your group. The communication field has been leveled, we have a shared bond, and we respect each other for our likeness. I am a very real living example of what can happen to a person who chooses to communicate with violence and the cost of that choice . I wonder where I would be today -- if I had heard your message 30 years ago?”
KEN MONSEBROTE
Twin Rivers Corrections Center, Monroe, WA
“I arrived in the classroom believing I would hear what I had heard in other programs. I then reminded myself to keep an open mind. I’m glad I did. The room was filled with love. The Giraffe (symbol of the language of the heart) was truly present! I would never have thought that inmates would cry and share their lives with 50 people present. I was given the pleasure to observe the love of humanity even in prison.”
DARRELL WIGHT
Oregon State Penitentiary, Salem, OR
“This is the stepping stone to getting your life on track. New lifestyles begin from within: this workshop offers you the tools to start making a difference in your life, in the lives of those around you, and especially in the lives of your loved ones. Definitely worth the effort and time!”
JUAN JOHNSTON
Minimum Unit-Monroe Correctional Complex, WA
“I noticed when I was growing up and most of my time in prison, when I ran into a ‘problem’, an obstacle – I turned away somehow. Now I see it as a challenge. The two days met my need for companionship. I was blown away by the support I received after my disclosure. I realize that in these moments, I felt richer than Bill Gates – it met my need for inclusion in community outside of prison as well as community inside prison.”
RANDY REED
Twin Rivers Corrections Center, Monroe, WA
“NVC has given me at least two valuable gifts--the ability to see with eyes that hold no grudges and hear with ears that can reach the heart of what really matters. Now I have confidence when it comes to dealing with others in life's ups and downs -- that I will be able to have productive, connecting interactions.”
RICHARD JACKSON
Twin Rivers Corrections Center, Monroe, WA
“If I had had this training earlier in life, I’d still be married and probably not be an offender. I never imagined that when I came to prison that I’d get such a life-changing experience. It is help unlooked for, unimagined, and unexpected. NVC has vastly improved the way I view myself and others. I want more!”
D.G.D.
Inmate at Monroe Correctional Complex, Monroe, WA
“The workshop was wonderful! Overall, it gave me a sense of wellbeing and reason for taking greater responsibility for myself and to take care of others.”
MICHAEL CARROLL
Twin Rivers Corrections Center, Monroe, WA
“I love this training. The atmosphere of this workshop really enables you to open your mind and your heart. If ever there was a class that humans should be required to take before starting life, it would be this one.”
JOSHUA HENRY
Minimum Unit-Monroe Correctional Complex, WA
“I recommend this program to anyone out there who cares about the wellbeing of the human race, and especially to any parent, incarcerated or not. This course holds a miracle within itself to not only teach you how to express and recognize your own feelings and values, but to draw out those of the person you are speaking to. I loved this class and wish I knew enough to teach it myself.”
LOREN SHERMAN
Minimum Unit-Monroe Correctional Complex, WA
“Perhaps crime or how we perceive crime would be less of a problem if those who suffer it or cause it could speak and be heard in NVC. Or would there be crime?”
DON D. LAND
Minimum Unit-Monroe Correctional Complex, WA
“In my 36 years of living, I’ve spent all my life doing things that hardened my spiritual growth. Although I have had a long life of hardship, the virtue of my inner being never died, even if at times I couldn’t summon its quality to surface. I believe it can surface when I am surrounded by people who connect with and reaffirm that side of me. Then I realize the part of me I think is “weak” is really the strongest part of me. Throughout this training, I saw my values being affirmed; I saw that every time I ignore what and who I truly am, I’m going against my divine nature. I would like more time for you to help me expose the incorrect information I have learned, and to have you instruct me on how to use this course to achieve higher awareness”.
LAKEITH REDUS
Minimum Unit-Monroe Correctional Complex, WA
“This training not only provided me with means to maintain self-control in difficult situations (allowing for a reasonable solution rather than opting for violence), but it showed me ways to use my anger in a positive manner to meet the needs of both me and others. The concepts brought forth in this workshop can be as difficult to learn as a foreign language and the trainer did an amazing job of making sure everyone understood the information. I absolutely recommend this workshop to anyone concerned with an anger problem, anyone wanting to learn more effective communication, or even wanting to learn how to have a more intimate relationship with a spouse, friend or family member. NVC is an extremely effective tool. I have nothing but good to say about this workshop.”
A. G.
Minimum Unit-Monroe Correctional Complex, WA
“I’m beginning to learn to open my heart and express myself in ways I never dreamed. The trainer has the ability to make learning a difficult task enjoyable and refreshing. This has been one of the most powerfully positive experiences of my adult life. I would like to see more advanced sessions brought in. Thank you!”
RODNEY DOBSON
Minimum Unit-Monroe Correctional Complex, WA
“If you really want to know how to be a REAL person in today’s “fake” society, then take NVC. There is no other real way to get the knowledge that is offered in this workshop. The ability of this group to come together was awesome. Each trainer brings such joy and compassion along with the general knowledge and that is what makes it all work!”
RICHARD GRAVES
Twin Rivers Corrections Center, Monroe, WA
“I wish to take this time to thank you for this past weekend. After doing 23 years straight and looking at more time, AVP, and now NVC, are survival tools that I seriously need. In my younger days, it was always survival of the fittest. Lord help you if you showed compassion. Empathy was out of the question. Now, to be able to show empathy and truly understand what’s behind it brings me to a human side of a most inhumane situation -- doing time. Finding how to express empathy has allowed me to look at others and find a peace inside myself. Oddly (I never thought I’d be saying this!!), but that includes correctional officers and staff. Life is not easy, no matter where or how you choose your path. But with what I’ve learned this past weekend, and hopefully more encounters with NVC, that path for me will have less potholes and pitfalls. So thank you for a comprehensive, deep and very touching experience. I truly needed it! With peace in my heart, Mark Bidon”
MARK BIDON
Twin Rivers Correction Center, Monroe, WA
“D’ya hear about some workshop going on this weekend... where if you say “fuck you,” they translate it into a bunch of feelings and needs?”
OVERHEARD IN PRISON YARD
Monroe Correctional Complex, WA
“The facilitators’ genuine concern shows me how much I count and allows me to open up in more ways than I ever thought possible.”
HEATHER RAGAN
Coffee Creek Correctional Complex, Wilsonville, OR
“I walk around most of the time with the attitude that I am one of the two meanest mugs on the face of the earth, and when I find the other one, I’m gonna kill him. When I think of respect, it’s always been about asking for respect. Yesterday, however, I learned that respect is something I can give. I took what I learned from this circle yesterday and tried it out. It worked. Yesterday was one of the best days of my incarceration. But today has been better than yesterday. And tomorrow will be even better, because now I have hope.”
MACY STRICKLAND
Minimum Unit-Monroe Correctional Complex, WA
“What really set me at ease was sharing this experience with someone who has had at one time been in prison (Dow). I like to see strategy in action, and he exemplified the NVC philosophy. The other trainers were great, but Dow gave me the hope to succeed just as he did.”
DAVID GASPAR
Minimum Unit-Monroe Correctional Complex, WA
“It (weekend) was spectacular…I felt better than I’ve felt in a long time. The way she was listening to me, the way she accepted what I said…I’m human, I’m not a locked-up freak!”
JOE COLLINS
Twin Rivers Corrections Center, Monroe, WA
“I learned so many things about myself and how I communicate. Probably the biggest thing was (during the day of mindfulness) sitting outside on a break, I could feel how connected life is, from the grass and the flowers to the people to the sky. I had never had such a feeling of connection before. I was blown away by that feeling.”
JESSE NORLING
Twin Rivers Corrections Center, Monroe, WA
“I’ve struggled with the mindfulness exercises in the class, but that day (day of mindfulness), I walked away with a real true sense of what mindfulness is. I really got to take a deep look inside myself. On Monday, my boss called me in to speak to me, and said it was time to do evaluations. I scored “above average” in all the categories, and overall “very positive”! I need to thank this NVC course that I could get such good evaluation scores, especially in categories like “working well with others”. This really inspires me to continue practicing NVC; it’s a lifetime journey.”
Gerald Alumbaugh
Twin Rivers Corrections Center, Monroe, WA
“I was amazed I could talk to a total stranger and be able to open up and bring out all this crap that I’ve never been able to share…and then to hear that I’m not the only one who’s had these problems in my life, that I’m not alone! The more I come down to this class, the more I take to my everyday life. I just wrote an honest letter and got a response I appreciated.”
Jack Hall
Twin Rivers Corrections Center, Monroe, WA
“I didn’t realize it when I came in, but I’ve had an unmet need for a long time. This weekend and class have shown me how to be human again, that it’s OK to let people in, to stick your neck out and make myself vulnerable. It gave me strength to take some needed steps. I also realize that right here in our community, there are some incredibly gifted individuals.”
Mike Dodgen
Twin Rivers Corrections Center, Monroe, WA
“I felt some real connections and some real sorrows. When we worked together putting on the first day, I was amazed at how we held each other up, all in unison, and I was amazed in that spiritual connection, how automatic it was…no envy, no jealousy, none of that stuff going on.”
Larry Roberts
Twin Rivers Corrections Center, Monroe, WA
“I have been practicing NVC for eight years. I have learned that no matter what the circumstance, every situation is simply an opportunity to meet unmet needs. When I don’t take the situation or the other party as a personal affront, every circumstance is an opportunity for growth.”
Randy Reed
Twin Rivers Corrections Center, Monroe, WA
“My need for learning was met. The volunteers & Giraffes showed so much passion and spirit – the caring and compassion they showed to us was huge. Sometimes I forgot I was in prison. I saw how others are going through the same things I am – I saw that happen. I’m determined to do everything I can - whether I’m in here or not. We (prisoners) can take advantage of learning too. This is my life – even in here – I’m gonna do something about it! I look forward to learning more about how to get something (meaningful) out of life!”
Phil (Philly) Kraus
Twin Rivers Corrections Center, Monroe, WA
“Now when I talk to people, I am still able to hear their anger, but the thing that I gained from this workshop is that now I can determine what actually lies beneath the anger, the real root of the anger. When we communicate with others, we tend to just hear what is on the surface. I gained a lot of knowledge and I feel NVC will be a very good tool inside the institution as well as for my relationships on the outside.”
SHAWN MERRITT
Minimum Unit-Monroe Correctional Complex, WA
“I was pretty moved by this weekend – it’s been on my mind for days. Being able to look into people’s eyes without hate or judgment – a new experience for me. I really enjoyed the mindfulness – I see I need to slow down. Here’s a silly little story: I was really trying to be mindful as I went to get coffee – then the mindfulness bell rang. I was looking inside, aware of each moment – filling my coffee cup. Then I realized I was standing in front of the ice water dispenser instead of the coffee dispenser. I hate cold coffee! I really needed this weekend – I felt a deep genuine happiness when I left here.”
Jeff Litsch
Twin Rivers Corrections Center, Monroe, WA
“What I have gained –and what is really new for me is not just the skills, but concern for others’ wellbeing – emotional, spiritual, and physical. When I was outside, I did not really in any way care or want to care about others, or myself. My lack of caring resulted in escalating negative behavior that resulted in my forceful separation from society: I was too “dangerous” to myself and to the community at large! NVC has given me a way to get my needs met without the violence that marked 48 years of my life. NVC and the NVC community have given me the gift of peace.”
Charles Urlacher
Twin Rivers Corrections Center, Monroe, WA
“NVC has helped me to see other people’s needs. NVC has changed my life. I never realized that my needs weren’t getting met. [I was] oblivious to that. So I’ve gone through life with strategies that have not worked for me. Through the combination of SOTP and NVC, I have been able to recognize how many people I’ve hurt. I don’t want to do that any more and I feel inspired to change. Learning how to speak NVC has shown me I can care about myself and others and to articulate my feelings. I’m a blessed person to get a chance to practice this beautiful thing, NVC.”
Steve Thomas
Twin Rivers Corrections Center, Monroe, WA
“It made me realize that I have been missing the connection that I now realize I can have with myself and with others. This has truly given me a new tool to help me change.”
Mark Colton
FMC Devens Federal Prison
September 2004
“What was most powerful was when the Lieutenant joined us for over an hour to voice his concern about the sign-out board. We saw a completely different and effective way of hearing both sides of a story and solving a problem based on understanding from both sides. After it was over, I had a completely new and deeper respect for the Lieutenant because I got to see him as a person and not as a badge with bars. I got to see where he was coming from and what he would like to see done with this Camp. I appreciate having officers at our workshops and involving real-life scenarios.”
T.J. Merry
Minimum Unit-Monroe Correctional Complex, WA
“Learning how to change from our old behaviors and thoughts is a hard job, and I can’t do it alone and it won’t happen overnight. But, if I want to change, it has to come from deep inside, and a person needs to really want to change in order to be able to accomplish the changes. My need is to know that I do matter, that I do have value in life; I do belong; I am accepted for who I am.”
Henrice Silva
Twin Rivers Corrections Center, Monroe, WA
“NVC is a lifelong process of learning. I plan to pass it on to my children and my grandchildren.”
Brandon Guillemette
Twin Rivers Corrections Center, Monroe, WA
“Marshall Rosenberg tells the story of a man under a street lamp searching for his car keys. When asked where he’d dropped them, the man replied he’d dropped them in the alley, but the “light is much better here. Well, I had lost something too: the ability to see what is and the ability to touch my own feelings. I dropped these in a dark alley. Most of my life I lived in anger. I didn’t know and I didn’t care where the anger came from. I used the anger as both shield and sword. It protected me from pain, hurt, sorrow and sadness. It allowed me to strike out at others so that I could keep them at bay. But I yearned for what I saw in others—happiness, joy, love and connection, a real sense of belonging. You have taken me back to the alley, and with your very bright light, helped me find what I had lost. Now I see through my judgments to what I am truly feeling and needing. I have found a freedom which my mind had not even conceived possible. I enjoy every moment, whenever I allow myself to be aware of the moment. What surrounds me in this physical world is life. And, I have discovered the meaning to my life I love the road I now travel. I am here because you took me into the alley and shined your bright light in the darkness. I have found my keys. Thank you!”
Eric Tucker
Twin Rivers Corrections Center, Monroe, WA
“I say ‘WOW’! – all the people from the outside, everything over the weekend opened up my eyes! People really do want to know, want to care. All the sharing – all the disclosures – made me think of my own situation. I thought I ‘had it bad’! It made me want to do something for someone else also. Then, I looked at the dirtiest crap I’d ever done – looked at what my victims experienced – what it was like for them! It ‘changed’ my SOTP classes - maybe I can disclose. You gotta know what’s going on – so you can know what to look out for. I could never have done it without NVC. I emptied my whole inside. I’ve never done that before! I talked to JG (in the yard) – wow! – I can do it now, I can ‘face the worst’. I want NVC on the ‘other side’ of prison – I’ll look for it when I get out!
Ellis (Buddy) Weber
Twin Rivers Corrections Center, Monroe, WA
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